When I Turned 33

Back in Aug., I turned a year older and hopefully a year wiser! Ha ha I think as I've gotten older, I really am enjoying my birthdays. It's such a sweetness. I guess it could be that I am more comfortable in my skin and circumstances.

I do have so much to be thankful for. I've got a roof over my head(a nice one at that), more than enough food that I probably shouldn't eat too much of, friends who would walk a mile in my shoes right alongside me, loving and obedient children, and an encouraging supportive kind husband. Wow! Life is good!

Speaking of that husband, he sent me these for my b-day. Totally unexpected. Extra kudos for him because I have high standards for flowers. (I use to be in the floral industry and know that they charge an arm and a leg. Therefore flowers are not an expense he is allowed to spend money on) This came from an Ebay account for which he sold something from. And they are my favorite color-purple!

Yay, for the husband! And yay for me for having this husband!!!

Oh Magnus

For the majority of Magnus' life, he is a wonderful child. There are only a few moments where we wonder where his brain went. But for the most part, raising him has been such an easy job. Perhaps that is why when he has a moment of failure, it seems so devastating.

Boy, does he covet soda...

 One day, I made soup that had okra in it. In my opinion, you cannot taste the okra because it has been cooked down so much, but Magnus begged to differ. So much so that he made himself throw up from it. So here is the mess. He got an earful, he cleaned it up, and he got a consequence for over reacting.

Sometimes when your child behave unbecoming, it makes you doubt your parenting skills. What are you doing wrong? What are you not teaching them? Have you failed them?

After many times, of crying and praying and praying and crying, I'm learning that it's ok. This is a part of life, a part of growing. He as a child and I as a parent. Throwing up over okra is not the end of the world. There could be other things worse than this.

So I need to be a little more forgiving, show a little more grace, and definitely have a lot more patience. Oh, the things we have to learn over and over again even as adults!

Jordan-Love Deeply

Back at the beginning of last school, our dear friend Jordan came into some horrible headaches. After many doctor appointments, prayers, and treatments it became clear that he had a brain tumor. But let's back up to some history on him.

 Jordan was born a little before John. Their moms were obviously pregnant at the same time, but they were also attending the same church. Basically these two had a relationship from the time they were little. They became the bestest of friends. They survived going through the rough adolescents stage, multiple friends and girlfriends and the discovery of God. 

After high school, John and I got married. Jordan was the best man. A few years later, Jordan started dating my good friend from high school. Soon after we had a baby and they got married. Since then our relationship has blossomed in all aspect. Most importantly, we.laugh.a.lot.

Many years later and many children later, there is a brain tumor. Needless to say, we were all devastated. 

One night before he started radiation, we got together with some friends, in cahoots(our inside joke) and put together a lovely date night for him and the wife. It's only fitting to have one last hurrah before life looks different.  

 On the menu for these two lovely people was their favorite-deviled eggs and pizza from Round Table. But not just any pizza, half pineapple cheese and half olives and mushrooms. I discovered this delicious drink Jordan is partaking from Trader Joes called Sparkling White Grape Juice. Hello-delicious!

 With a lot of candles, and empty condo, and yummy foods, a night of sweetness was to be had!

 These 2 pics are hilarious, but they are also so sad. True nature of the effect of a brain tumor. Holding your head because you have a headache. Which, I never asked if that helps???

And losing your balance therefore dropping your leftovers. I am so glad Ally decided to take a pic instead of crying. I know I would have.

So, many weeks of radiation, many different side effects, and many uncertainty, we have the news that this father, friend, brother, son, uncle, nephew, husband, cousin is well again. The surgery took the tumor away. The radiation radiated what it needed to. Life is still not the same, but I don't think any of us want it to be. Life is richer, love is deeper.

Working the 12 Years

For our anniversary in July, we went to dinner at our friend's fancy restaurant in St. Helena, but since we had some time to kill, we stopped in Calistoga. We lurked in shops and laughed at the prices. Yes, we are jerks! At the end of town, there was a bunch of trees and on the trees there were these little note cards with messages on them. It was a no holds bar, safe environment kinda thing that you could write on the cards. 

Ask us how we know... 

 We were really curious to see what was written and we were sorry we were curious. For some reason, all the ones we looked at were really sad. One said, "I wished my husband was more tender towards me." Another one was," I wished my wife made love to me more often." What a sad thing to read on our "happy anniversary." But we prayed a silent prayer for them and went on our merry way. I hope one day they get to know love like we have.

Being/feeling blessed doesn't do justice to describe being married to this man. There are moments where he infuriates me just by the littlest things he does or says, but we can laugh at it a little later. For that, I am so thankful. I look forward to many more years of laughing together. Love you so much!

My Mom

This is my favorite picture of my mom. She is so loved by the grand kids. And since she has 15 that is a lot of love! 

Besides her great big heart for her grand kids, she has quite the green thumb. She can make most anything grow. Although when I think about it, it doesn't just grow, it flourishes! One day I wish to have nice green thumbs like her!!!

part 3 of my dad

I am thankful that I am nothing like him. Although he passed down his horrible genes to me, that is all that I carry from him. It's a burden lifted to think that he is no longer suffering or making anybody else suffer because of him. There is peace in my heart and a thankfulness that a plan was laid out for my life. I have had so much blessings poured upon me. So many friends who will pray for me, cry with me, and help me to grow to become a better person. I am thankful that I don't have history repeating itself for my children. They are truly loved by their father and will never know the pain and suffering I endured living without a wise and righteous dad.

part 2 of my dad

When my sister called the other day to tell me of the news about my dad's death, I felt no emotions. I know it must have been a shock to my sister, but I don't have the connections that perhaps she might have had with him. Afterwards when I was telling John about it, it finally hit me. I was saddened, but not necessarily for my "dad". I didn't feel a loss. It's just always sad when a life is lost. It makes you think about their life and how much you either want to emulate it or not.

As I pondered about his death throughout the day, I am thankful that he is no longer suffering. He has had to have his leg amputated in the last few years due to his illness. His chances of providing for himself was nil. He relied on the kindness of relatives, but he never changed his wicked ways. Even in his misery, he was still a jerk. A few months back, my mom got a call from one of her relatives complaining about my dad. He had taken a taxi to her house, uninvited, and upon getting there, told her that she needed to pay for the taxi ride. He did this not once, but twice! This is very much his typical mode of operation. Needless to say he was not loved by many people.

One thing that I am grateful to him for was procreating with my mom. Without that I wouldn't be here. If I wasn't here, I wouldn't have met my wonderful husband and have my wonderful kids. It took me a long time to release my guilt about not supporting him financially because he is my "dad". I came to realize that I couldn't fix him and sending him a monthly stipend wouldn't fix him.

To be continued....

Resuming blogging

I haven't written on here for the longest time because life has gotten quite busy....Today I got news that my "dad" past away. I use quotations because although he is my dad, I have never known him to be that. When I was born in Thailand, (as we were migrating from Cambodia to US) my dad decided that he didn't want to come along the journey to the US. He felt that there was not going to be an opportunity for him here like he would if he would go back to Cambodia. So he left our family. My mom became a single parent, to 2 older children from a previous marriage, my sister 4 years older than I, and me being a newborn only 20 days old. That's a number my mom will never forget or forgive about.

So some how, some way we found our way here to the US. I was 4 years old. We never heard from or about my dad for many years afterwards. My earliest memory of him contacting us was when I was in the 4th grade. He must have gotten our address from one of my mom's relatives and would send us letters asking for money. Whenever I would hear about him, it would make me so mad. Being younger I didn't know why and couldn't understand my feelings. My mom never forced the subject onto me and I was thankful for it.

This occurrs every so often throughout the years. As I got older, I never gave him any of my thoughts. He was like someone who was an acquaintance. Over time, his health deteriorated. Since he is in a 3rd world country, he doesn't have an official diagnosis. It's just a sad sad life. He was living with the choices that he made. 

To be continued...