part 3 of my dad

I am thankful that I am nothing like him. Although he passed down his horrible genes to me, that is all that I carry from him. It's a burden lifted to think that he is no longer suffering or making anybody else suffer because of him. There is peace in my heart and a thankfulness that a plan was laid out for my life. I have had so much blessings poured upon me. So many friends who will pray for me, cry with me, and help me to grow to become a better person. I am thankful that I don't have history repeating itself for my children. They are truly loved by their father and will never know the pain and suffering I endured living without a wise and righteous dad.

part 2 of my dad

When my sister called the other day to tell me of the news about my dad's death, I felt no emotions. I know it must have been a shock to my sister, but I don't have the connections that perhaps she might have had with him. Afterwards when I was telling John about it, it finally hit me. I was saddened, but not necessarily for my "dad". I didn't feel a loss. It's just always sad when a life is lost. It makes you think about their life and how much you either want to emulate it or not.

As I pondered about his death throughout the day, I am thankful that he is no longer suffering. He has had to have his leg amputated in the last few years due to his illness. His chances of providing for himself was nil. He relied on the kindness of relatives, but he never changed his wicked ways. Even in his misery, he was still a jerk. A few months back, my mom got a call from one of her relatives complaining about my dad. He had taken a taxi to her house, uninvited, and upon getting there, told her that she needed to pay for the taxi ride. He did this not once, but twice! This is very much his typical mode of operation. Needless to say he was not loved by many people.

One thing that I am grateful to him for was procreating with my mom. Without that I wouldn't be here. If I wasn't here, I wouldn't have met my wonderful husband and have my wonderful kids. It took me a long time to release my guilt about not supporting him financially because he is my "dad". I came to realize that I couldn't fix him and sending him a monthly stipend wouldn't fix him.

To be continued....

Resuming blogging

I haven't written on here for the longest time because life has gotten quite busy....Today I got news that my "dad" past away. I use quotations because although he is my dad, I have never known him to be that. When I was born in Thailand, (as we were migrating from Cambodia to US) my dad decided that he didn't want to come along the journey to the US. He felt that there was not going to be an opportunity for him here like he would if he would go back to Cambodia. So he left our family. My mom became a single parent, to 2 older children from a previous marriage, my sister 4 years older than I, and me being a newborn only 20 days old. That's a number my mom will never forget or forgive about.

So some how, some way we found our way here to the US. I was 4 years old. We never heard from or about my dad for many years afterwards. My earliest memory of him contacting us was when I was in the 4th grade. He must have gotten our address from one of my mom's relatives and would send us letters asking for money. Whenever I would hear about him, it would make me so mad. Being younger I didn't know why and couldn't understand my feelings. My mom never forced the subject onto me and I was thankful for it.

This occurrs every so often throughout the years. As I got older, I never gave him any of my thoughts. He was like someone who was an acquaintance. Over time, his health deteriorated. Since he is in a 3rd world country, he doesn't have an official diagnosis. It's just a sad sad life. He was living with the choices that he made. 

To be continued...

My 9/11

When this happened 10 years ago, I was working for one of our local banks and John and I had only been married about 2 months. I went to work as usual and people were acting really strange. Really quiet, slow moving and the complete opposite of the chatterbox group of people that we were. Finally getting frustrated I asked what the deal was. Then I felt like an idiot. A rush of emotions came flooding by. I remember some lady saying something like the end of the world was coming and that was scary enough for me. I was a fairly new believer at this point in my life and I was only 20. I called John at home who was still sleeping because he had to work a late shift the night before. He answers the phone and I am trying to tell him what happened, but all that came out were confusion and tears. Finally I asked him to pray for all of us. After I got off the phone and the day progressed, it was like we were all zombies. Once it was speculated that it was a terrorist act, a customer was saying that we are probably going to go to war. That was awful. The next flood of emotions was, "please no. I have only been married for a little while and if we go to war my husband would be drafted and since we were young he would be one of the first ones to go. I didn't want to be alone without my husband."

That was all that I remember from that day. I couldn't watch the news of the images of the jets crashing into the building because my heart could not handle it. I didn't want to think of all the wives and families who were losing a loved one.

image source

Fast forward to now and I can finally handle watching the documentaries on the History Channel. Now I can see the strength of many that came to help. The strength of the many moms out there who are raising their children without their fathers. It is so powerful. I only wish I had an ounce of their courage.

Our Prolific Grape Plant

I am so excited about our grapes! We've had these guys for 3 years now and they have been giving us grapes abundantly for 2. I have to say that I have not done too much with this plant. It just wants to grow and give us yummy fruit. I am very okay with that!



We have nibblers in the name of Soph and Magnus that likes to see if they are sweeten yet.



Peek a boo, I see you delicious-ness!

Magnus Without Training Wheels

It has taken John a few years to teach Magnus how to ride on his own, but he has now! Such an exciting feat for growing boy! 

And here comes Soph chasing after her brother. She was adamant that she needed to have a helmet on too, even though she is only running around.

Safety comes first in the Grandberg household!

Our Tooth Fairy

So this is what happens when you start a trend of giving out toys for a tooth rather than money, like the good ol' days!

It reads:

Dear Magnus, Thank you very much for leaving your tooth for me. It looks like a good one! I apologize that I don't have a toy for you yet. To be honest, I fell down and injured one of my wings he other day. Since I am the only tooth fairy in Santa Rosa, I have lots of kids to visit each night, and I just haven't been able to keep up. I even had to ask the Rohnert Park tooth fairy to help me out for a few days! I'm getting better now, but I still haven't had enough time for toy shopping.

 Please accept this coupon, which is good for one toy. Give it to your parents and they will know what to do with it. My records show that you still have not used the last coupon I gave you, so I actually owe you two toys. I'll tell your parents and they will take care of it for me.

Love, The Tooth Fairy

PS: Remember to always brush and floss your teeth!