Friday, December 16, 2011

part 3 of my dad

I am thankful that I am nothing like him. Although he passed down his horrible genes to me, that is all that I carry from him. It's a burden lifted to think that he is no longer suffering or making anybody else suffer because of him. There is peace in my heart and a thankfulness that a plan was laid out for my life. I have had so much blessings poured upon me. So many friends who will pray for me, cry with me, and help me to grow to become a better person. I am thankful that I don't have history repeating itself for my children. They are truly loved by their father and will never know the pain and suffering I endured living without a wise and righteous dad.
Thursday, December 15, 2011

part 2 of my dad

When my sister called the other day to tell me of the news about my dad's death, I felt no emotions. I know it must have been a shock to my sister, but I don't have the connections that perhaps she might have had with him. Afterwards when I was telling John about it, it finally hit me. I was saddened, but not necessarily for my "dad". I didn't feel a loss. It's just always sad when a life is lost. It makes you think about their life and how much you either want to emulate it or not.

As I pondered about his death throughout the day, I am thankful that he is no longer suffering. He has had to have his leg amputated in the last few years due to his illness. His chances of providing for himself was nil. He relied on the kindness of relatives, but he never changed his wicked ways. Even in his misery, he was still a jerk. A few months back, my mom got a call from one of her relatives complaining about my dad. He had taken a taxi to her house, uninvited, and upon getting there, told her that she needed to pay for the taxi ride. He did this not once, but twice! This is very much his typical mode of operation. Needless to say he was not loved by many people.

One thing that I am grateful to him for was procreating with my mom. Without that I wouldn't be here. If I wasn't here, I wouldn't have met my wonderful husband and have my wonderful kids. It took me a long time to release my guilt about not supporting him financially because he is my "dad". I came to realize that I couldn't fix him and sending him a monthly stipend wouldn't fix him.

To be continued....
Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Resuming blogging

I haven't written on here for the longest time because life has gotten quite busy....Today I got news that my "dad" past away. I use quotations because although he is my dad, I have never known him to be that. When I was born in Thailand, (as we were migrating from Cambodia to US) my dad decided that he didn't want to come along the journey to the US. He felt that there was not going to be an opportunity for him here like he would if he would go back to Cambodia. So he left our family. My mom became a single parent, to 2 older children from a previous marriage, my sister 4 years older than I, and me being a newborn only 20 days old. That's a number my mom will never forget or forgive about.

So some how, some way we found our way here to the US. I was 4 years old. We never heard from or about my dad for many years afterwards. My earliest memory of him contacting us was when I was in the 4th grade. He must have gotten our address from one of my mom's relatives and would send us letters asking for money. Whenever I would hear about him, it would make me so mad. Being younger I didn't know why and couldn't understand my feelings. My mom never forced the subject onto me and I was thankful for it.

This occurrs every so often throughout the years. As I got older, I never gave him any of my thoughts. He was like someone who was an acquaintance. Over time, his health deteriorated. Since he is in a 3rd world country, he doesn't have an official diagnosis. It's just a sad sad life. He was living with the choices that he made. 

To be continued...
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