When my sister called the other day to tell me of the news about my dad's death, I felt no emotions. I know it must have been a shock to my sister, but I don't have the connections that perhaps she might have had with him. Afterwards when I was telling John about it, it finally hit me. I was saddened, but not necessarily for my "dad". I didn't feel a loss. It's just always sad when a life is lost. It makes you think about their life and how much you either want to emulate it or not.
As I pondered about his death throughout the day, I am thankful that he is no longer suffering. He has had to have his leg amputated in the last few years due to his illness. His chances of providing for himself was nil. He relied on the kindness of relatives, but he never changed his wicked ways. Even in his misery, he was still a jerk. A few months back, my mom got a call from one of her relatives complaining about my dad. He had taken a taxi to her house, uninvited, and upon getting there, told her that she needed to pay for the taxi ride. He did this not once, but twice! This is very much his typical mode of operation. Needless to say he was not loved by many people.
One thing that I am grateful to him for was procreating with my mom. Without that I wouldn't be here. If I wasn't here, I wouldn't have met my wonderful husband and have my wonderful kids. It took me a long time to release my guilt about not supporting him financially because he is my "dad". I came to realize that I couldn't fix him and sending him a monthly stipend wouldn't fix him.
To be continued....
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